Editrice Note: Stuck in a Dryer

It’s winter, which means we are trying to save on heating costs. That means spins in dryers, lots of blankets, and snuggles with kitties of various persuasions. The Toucan pesters us daily in his indomitable squawking way for a ticket to Costa Rica, and we tell him we haven’t even printed the Fall Issue yet, what the hell is he squawking about?
Welcome to the harried Toucan Headquarters. In point of fact we are not actually at Headquarters right now, as Editrice Liz lucked into a cushy cat-sitting gig. But the routine is the same: lots of coffee, late nights, and Cat Stevens on the media player. This seems like the most fun issue we’ve had in a while. Yes, there’s a fair share of death and murder. We do not condone bird murder, not even of ducks. We have this friend who’s obsessed with this novelty track Alan Moore recorded. The lyrics of this go “DUCKS…DUCKS…you think they’re cuddly, I think they’re sinister…” All the same, sinister behavior is not a license to kill. What the…what did we just write? It’s two in the morning. Don’t wring anyone’s neck or hit them with a ball-peen hammer, not even if they’re snoring. Kitties snore, did you know that?

And there’s love…and sex. Sex…with strangers. We don’t really recommend that either. We’re just hitting all the literary themes, aren’t we? Death and sex. Doesn’t every good piece of literature have that in droves? News flash—The Toucan is officially a good piece of literature. You knew that already, right? Say yes. It’s two in the morning. Actually, we’re proudest of our poetry section this issue. Want to know why? Because it starts with “An Introduction to the Introduction” and finished with “Finished”. See what we did there? Aren’t we tricky little devils? Just say yes. It’s two in the morning, and with a little searching in various cabinets, Editrice Liz may be able to round up a ball-peen hammer. Or a mug of scalding coffee. Or a supple laptop cord…or…

There is only one thing that can save you from the murderous wrath: total submission. To us. Find your best pieces, or else we’ll find your best pieces…not, not like that. IT’S TWO IN THE BLOODY MORNING, OK????!!! Send those pieces…of writing to thetoucanmag@gmail.com, and unless you want us to rip your submission to pieces, check out the submission guidelines at www.thetoucanonline.blogspot.com.

Um…did we just go all homicidal editrice? Is that against editricial policy? We don’t know, and right now, we don’t care, we’ll find out in the morning. We’re off to go snore in a dryer, cuddled up next to the best cat in the universe.

The always dressed to kill Liz and Laura, Toucan Editrices